


Let Us be Messes Together

by AliasZero



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Sam, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt Dean, Hurt Sam, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Purgatory, Season 8, Top Dean, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 00:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1724633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliasZero/pseuds/AliasZero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in Season 8. After Dean comes back from Purgatory, the brothers try to position their relationship again. Dean is more reluctant to open up while Sam tries to get him to talk. They finally reveal their feelings for each other after a vamp hunt. Sex follows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Us be Messes Together

Dean is never a deep sleeper. Partly it is because he is a hunter so being alarmed all the time is kind of in the job description. But it is mostly because it is his habit to watch over Sam while he sleeps. Sam used to be so afraid of the monster under his bed that he and Dad had to tear apart the bed twice to check. And he secretly checked it two more times just to make sure. For some nights, Sam just would not go to sleep unless Dean promised to stay by his bed. He is too well-trained in staying awake.

But this time it is different. Since he got back from Purgatory, Dean has all kinds of nasty and bloody nightmares once he allows himself to shut his eyes. Those nightmares were a mixture of what he went through in Purgatory and... what he did in Hell. That is why he cannot go to sleep. Once he dreamt that he was using Alastair’s blades to cut open Cass. Another time he dreamt that he left Sam instead of Cass behind in Purgatory. Many other times he cannot remember the details but what he knows is that all of these nightmares send him so close to puking every time he has to force himself to wake up, soaking in his own sweat. He is seriously on the edge here because this time it is not downing booze cannot cut it. He does not know if Sam notices. But of course he does. He is always the observant one. It is just he does not force Dean to talk about it for now.

This night, after they wrap up a case Dean chooses to stay up. He is exhausted and every part of his body is aching from the fight. But he just does not want to go to sleep. He cannot. They will hit the road first thing in the morning so he may just as well stay up till then. It is not the first time he does that anyway. As Dean is lingering in his own thoughts and letting the alcohol burn through his throat, Sam’s murmuring catches his ears. He glances over just to see Sam's whole body suddenly tenses up and starts to squirm. Dean gets up from his seat at once and rushes to his side as if it is his instinct. Although it is all muffled, Dean can still make out what Sam is pleading, "No, no... Dean... please no..." As if someone just punches him in the gut, Dean's stomach hurts when he hears Sam with this voice. And again, this time almost like Sam is sobbing, "Dean, you can't... Please... pl-please dun..." A slight bitter smile appears on Dean's face. I am right here you idiot. He brushes a few strings of hair away from Sam's forehead and plants a light kiss on it, just to find that his body temperature is almost feverish and he is clenching to his pillow so tight that his knuckles turn white. Sighing, Dean cannot think of another way to calm his little brother from his nightmare and the high temperature caused by it. He flips open the blanket and gingerly slides himself into the bed with Sam.

Almost immediately Sam puts his arm around Dean's waist and pulls him into his hug. He also stops the mumbling at once. Dean almost laughs out loud. This is so Sammy. He used to do this a lot when he had nightmares and then denied that they slept in the same bed in the next morning. But this time obligingly, Dean wraps his arms around Sam and lets him lay his head on his shoulder. He may actually be able to sleep in this position. Sam is so warm and his body so soft. Screw all those Purgatory shit, thinks Dean. If he wants to get some sleep, he fucking can. He makes himself a bit more comfortable without waking Sam. Then before he shuts his eyes, Sam flicks half of his eyes open and, as if he can see Dean in the dark, he said in a coarse, sleepy tone, "It's ok, Dean. I got you now. So... so it's gonna be alright.." and to Dean' surprise, Sam just closes his eyes and drops back to his deep sleep again. Well, that was new. Dean smiles to himself. His little brother has really grown up more than he wants to admit.

For the first time in his life, he feels kind of relieved and less tensed. Maybe it is because now he feels that his Sammy has truly got his back, even it is only in his dream. Dean thinks he is going to have a short, but good sleep tonight. Tomorrow morning Sam will bitch about him crawling into his bed for sure. But for now, he has the privilege to enjoy this good sleep with his most precious brother.

¶

Sam wakes up in his own sweat. It is too hot in the bed. He knows the reason once he half opens his eyes sleepily with Dean's face right above of his. Sam cannot recall when exactly that Dean slipped in the same bed with him last night. All he knows is that he does not want to wake him. Dean is having rough nights since he came back from Purgatory. And like when he got back from Hell, Sam does not plan to ask anything until Dean opens up to him willingly. So Sam is really glad at this moment when Dean seems to be truly asleep. But Sam hopes to shift a bit of his position so that he can ease the burning heat with them in the same bed. He tries to go as softly as he can because he knows that Dean is a light sleeper. Nonetheless, Dean wakes up immediately even when Sam only moves his shoulders half an inch away from his brother.

"Morning, Sammy." Dean said in a coarse voice.

"You can sleep longer, Dean. We are not in a hurry. I just need to use the bathroom."

"Nah, I'm good to go brother." Dean sits up straight and rubs his eyes tiredly.

"How long did you sleep?" Seeing his elder brother's weary face, Sam holds down the urge to just pull him into his hug.

"Three hours, four hours top. Why?" Dean stretches his back a little, trying to sound as normal as his can.

"Nothing, erm... it's just I remember us going to bed pretty early last night and… not in the same bed." Sam meant to say together but he changes his mind in the last moment.

"Oh boy, you were spiking your old nightmare fever again at some point and it was late, so there’s no other way. I did what I used to do." Dean shrugs.

"I did?"

"Yeah, you recall what you dreamt of? 'Cause you were boiling hot last night."

"No, I didn't. ... Did I... did I say anything weird?" Sam hesitates a bit before asking.

Dean glances at Sam quickly and says, "No. I mean, you did mumble in your sleep but I couldn't make out what it was you were saying so... Anyway, you didn't have that for a long time since we hit the road again. So I'm sure that girl you were with—Amelia— really took good care of you, you know, helped to make you feel safe. Am I right?" Dean knows that Sam gets pissed of whenever he does not refer to the girl by name.

"Yeah, I guess," Sam cannot help but notice that slightly sour tone from what Dean said. "But not for long." So he adds.

"Anyway," says Dean, standing up, "Let's roll."

Sam opens his mouth, wanting to say something but decides that it is best he keeps his mouth shut. Therefore he gets up after Dean and heads straight to the bathroom.

They got two more cases smoothly done in that month which makes them, at least to Sam, truly become a team again. Yet the latest one they are working on does not go as well as they thought it will be.

The Impala slices through the horrible rainstorm and flings a sharp turn into the parking lot at the motel, making a really loud squeak with its brake. Yet Dean does not care, because that fight they had with those vamps back there them up pretty badly. He and Sam are both hurt and bleeding. Dean bursts open the driver seat's door and limps his way to the other side of the Impala with his left hand pressed against his abdomen. He pulls Sam out and puts his left arm around his neck. Painfully, he drags them both back into their room before anyone can see them. And damn, Dean thinks to himself, although they cleared the nest, those vamps really came close into finishing them. It was pure luck that they could get themselves out of that shabby warehouse in one piece.

Once he sits Sam on the bed, Dean removes his blood soaked plaid shirt and ties it around his waist as a temporary bandage. He then fishes out their first-aid kit from one of the bags and sets it right next to Sam. One vampire gripped a piece of broken glass and tore the flesh on Sam's right shoulder apart. Sam is biting down his lips and sweating with all the pain he is going through.

"Alright, Sammy. I need you to hold still." Dean tries not to think about the blood dripping from the wound on his abdomen to his thigh and focuses on patching Sam's wound up.

"Just... go ahead Dean, I'm not a baby anymore." Sam forces the words out while panting quickly.

Dean grabs a clean towel and stuffs it into Sam's mouth, "Bite down. Don't swallow your tongue." Through all the pain induced tensed-up muscles and muffled screams, Dean cleans Sam's wound and sews up the terribly reddish flesh exposed by the cut.

By the time Dean finishes, he knows that he is in worse condition then he thinks. Once he relaxes, he feels dizzy as if he is going to faint. Damn right here is not Purgatory. He is losing too much blood.

"Dean? Move your hand and lemme see your wound. It's your turn." The only thing that Dean clings on in keeping him conscious is Sam's voice. He forces himself to look at Sam but what he sees is all burry.

Sam knows something is wrong when he finally notices Dean's uneven breathing pattern. He slowly helps Dean move his left forearm away from where the plaid shirt tightly wraps around. And Sam can no longer tell that it is a plaid shirt because it is simply blood red.

"Holy shit, Dean!" Moving as fast he can with a stitched wound on his shoulder, Sam cuts open the bloody shirt and immediately puts a towel on top of Dean's wound. It is so bloody that Sam cannot even see how deep it is.

"No no no, stay with me Dean!" Sam almost yells into Dean's ears when he sees that his brother's eyes are losing focus.

Without a second thought, partly pressing on the wound, Sam starts stitching up the torn flesh. The pain of the needle going through the skin seems to bring Dean back to conscious a bit. He grunts a little whenever Sam pulls the thread out. But to Sam's surprise, Dean does not even let a painful note slip out of his pursed lips. Sam remembers how Dean would groan and swear in pain whenever he took care of his wounds in the past. But now, and it hurts Sam so bad inside when he thinks if it, he takes them all in, all the pain, Dean swallows them and shuts them away from Sam completely.

¶

Sam is watching Dean's sleeping face in the motel room lit only by the weak light on the bed stand. He sighs softly. He knows Dean has not been so deeply asleep since he came back. He is damn exhausted from the hunt and his stitched shoulder wound still burns but he just cannot fall asleep, not when he replays Dean's expressions (while he was putting up with the pain) in his head endlessly.

Sam brushes his fingers through his hair anxiously. Everything is so different now, Sam cannot help but think, and he is losing Dean's trust more and more ever since he let Lucifer out. Sam lies on his side on the bed, observing how the dim yellow light outlines Dean's features. Dean seems to age drastically. Sam notices it only now. Wrinkles start to form at the corners of his eyes. There are also deep shades under his eyes due to sleep deprivation. He used to look so charming and smart, Sam thinks to himself. Dean used to be his pillar, his bright sun. He still is but he looks so beaten down and broken at this moment. Sam wished he could do something for him. He wished he could touch him and kiss him and they can be as intimate as they once were. He wished... he wished he did not run and hide in the life with Amelia and put everything between his brother and him behind his mind. Sam bites his lower lips until it hurts like it is going to bleed. He takes another look at Dean. His brows are creased, and Sam is not sure whether it is because of his hurting wound or some nightmare he is having. He kind of hopes it is the former, because at least that is something physical, something that will heal through time.

His eyelids are getting heavy. Finally he may be able to sleep after such a long night. And slowly, Sam's consciousness drifts away from him and his dozes off.

¶

Dean is having a nightmare, a terrible, terrible nightmare. He dreams that he is back in Purgatory again. He is running, running so fast for his life from God knows what kind of monsters that are chasing behind. He is exhausted and his legs are so tired that they feel numb. All he knows is that he needs to run. Suddenly, as he leaps over a bunch of bushes, he is in hell again. He can smell his own burning flesh. But he is not alone. The monsters chasing him are now looking at him hungrily while he is chained tight with no way to escape. He opens his mouth to call for help but no sound comes out. He feels that the monsters are starting to feed on him... he smells his own flesh and blood... he is drowning in pain…

Dean flicks open his eyes. He is panting heavily from the nightmare. Slowly sitting up, the wound at his abdomen burns, reminding him that he is back in reality. He needs to clench his teeth so he will not wake Sam up with his groans. With all the ugly images from his dreams still flooding inside his head, he feels light-headed and he is really going to puke. He drags his heavy and painful body to the bathroom as fast as he can. Once his closes the door, he collapses beside the stool and throws up.

The weird noises in the bathroom wake Sam. At first he cannot tell whether he is dreaming or not. Then he glances at Dean's bed and seeing that it is empty, he jumps up immediately.

"Dean?" Sam puts his hand on the bathroom doorknob. "Are you ok?"

"...yeah," Dean's voice is coarse and muffled, "I guess I ate too much for dinner."

"Dean, we had our dinner like ten hours ago."

"Yeah I know, 'm ok, Sammy." Sam hears the flush of the toilet and water running down the sink. Then Dean opens the door and they are face to face to each other.

For a few seconds Dean does not know what to say or think because his brother's concerned eyes glittering in the dark make him feel like his chest is on fire. The burning sensation works its way up his throat and Dean swallows a few times trying to get rid of it.

Finally he breaks their eye contact and starts to walk back to his bed. "'m fine, Sammy. Let's get some sleep." But Sam will not budge. He stands right in Dean's way, his eyes are still fixated on his elder brother.

"As if you can sleep, Dean." Sam's voice is heavy, low, and painful. He can see Dean is suffering. After all these times, he is still suffering in ways that Sam cannot help healing. Slowly and gingerly, Sam reaches his right hand to hold Dean's left wrist. The he carefully moves his fingers down, each touching Dean's palm softly as if he will break him if he goes to fast.

"...Sam, what are you doin?" Dean closes his eyes, trying not to think about Sam's heavy breathing and his body slowly closing in.

"I... Dean, I... I know that things are different now. I know we cannot go back to when...when we..." Sam stutters, searching for the right words, his fingers are now clinging to Dean's loosely, "when we were... younger." He breathes out the last word like it is stuck in his throat forever.

They are now so close to each other, so close that even with the dim light in the room, Sam can almost count Dean's eyelashes and he can almost kiss his sad, green eyes that are filled with sorrow and uncertainty. Dean pursed his lips together like he always does when he is lost, "Sammy, I can't." He inhales slowly and exhales heavily, fighting off the urge to pull Sam into his hug like he used to. Then as if he suddenly makes up his mind, he retrieves his fingers that are touching Sam's and holds his hand in a fist, leaving Sam's fingers lingering on the little intimate contact they have since a long time ago.

Sam wants to seek answer from Dean's troubled eyes but fails miserably. So instead he leans forward, making Dean take a step back with his back up against the bathroom door, and Sam puts his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean can smell the all-too-familiar scent of his little brother—the cheap motel shampoo on his hair, the sadness from his panting breath and the deodorant that he uses since sixteen—all mix together to make Dean feel the back if his eyes burning and a watery sensation forming at the corners.

After what seems like forever, Dean begins, "...Sammy, I've seen too much." Dean’s chest is now burning so much that he has trouble talking clearly. "I've seen things that I... that I don't wanna give the load to you."

Sam does not move or respond because he is afraid that once he does Dean will close the gate to his heart again. He simply presses a little closer to Dean to let him know that he is not alone.

"I guess double-dipping the places where God stash his ugliness messes up people, messes up me. I'm... I'm not the same man. So I..." And Dean raises his shakey voice a bit, "So I can't." Dean feels Sam shivers upon his last line.

"Sammy...?"

Reluctantly, Sam pulls his head away from Dean's shoulder and they look into each other's eyes. As if he determines something, Sam takes a deep breath and places his lips on Dean's.

Dean does not resist. The way Sam's lips brush against his and the way he seeks his lower lip and bites it softly. Dean cannot pull away from it. It is all so familiar and Dean misses it so much that he cannot help but respond to Sam’s kiss. He ventures his tongue into Sam's half open mouth, working it up between his teeth. Sam moans softly. It works like a charm every time. Dean curses in his mind as he cannot believe he will give in just like this. But this is Sam. His Sammy, the one person on earth that he can never let go of; the one that he will always come back for.

No longer able to hold off his need for Sam, Dean puts his hand behind Sam's neck and pulls him closer, deepening their breathtaking kiss. Dean is always the better kisser. Now Sam cannot hold down his moaning and he gasps when he finds Dean's another hand reaching under his shirt and wrapping around his waist. His big brother always knows how to take control. Sam breaks off from their kiss for air, his cheeks flushing partly because of shortage of oxygen and mainly because of his lust for Dean.

Dean is sure that he is not thinking when he leads Sam towards the bed without breaking off their second kiss. He pushes Sam down and then climbs on the bed himself. As if there is not another second to waste, Sam quickly loses his shirt and unbuttons his jeans, revealing his toned up body that is covered with a layer of sweat already.

Seeing his little brother naked on the bed, Dean seems to regain his rational mind for a moment, "You sure about this, Sammy?"

"Since when I’m not sure, Dean?" Sam replies with a question, he eyes are burning with need. He puts his hand on Dean’s chest to feel his racing heart, his broken, torn heart that still bumps for him. Sitting up a little, Sam puts his lips on Dean's left chest. Dean cannot see Sam's expression but he knows it takes a lot of strength for Sam to say what has been buried in his heart for a long, long time.

"Dean, you... we... we may be hurt or broken in so many ways that I don’t even know where to begin to talk about, but look, maybe we just do not need to talk about it. I mean... we can just stick to each other. We dun have to pick up a microscope and find flaws in any one of us because... because we are full of them." Sam takes another deep breath, "I know I ran, I ran because you were gone and I was lost. I wanted to escape from everything that made me into who I am today because I have always gone down the road with you, and without you, I cannot deal. I'm... I'm not strong enough, for the first time I realize that I’m not strong enough without..." And the next thing Sam knows is that he is pressed down against the pillow with Dean's lips all over him, taking away his words, his breath, his ability to think, his everything.

When Dean finally lets him go, he is fighting for oxygen again and panting loudly. "Enough of the sentimental talk, princess." Dean licks his lips and Sam cannot tell what he is thinking. But Sam knows that look, the look that makes him remove his jeans entirely.

Dean cannot help but groans when he pulls off his shirt. Blood starts to sip through the bandage that Sam wrapped around his waist. “Damn those stupid vamps!” Dean curses angrily with accelerated breathing.

“Maybe you should get some rest instead, Dean.” Sam sits up and checks the bandage. It is still holding up good but he may need to change it again soon.

Dean kisses Sam’s forehead, then his creased brows, and then his worried puppy eyes. “You know I can’t.” He said it as if he is talking about what it is for breakfast. “But now I know how I can feel better.”

Sam’s mouth is blocked by Dean’s lips again when they sinks into the bed slowly. He knows that Dean’s wound must be hurting badly, but it will hurt him more if they call it off now. Dean buries his face in Sam’s neck and slowly moves his kissing down Sam’s collar bones. Sam moans loudly. He likes it a lot when Dean kisses there.

“I guess the girl wasn’t as good as I am, huh, Sammy?” Sam closes his eyes and puts his arms on Dean’s back, digging his fingers into his muscles. It feels so good and he is already so aroused that his dick is aching under his boxers.

As if Dean can read his mind, his knees suddenly pressed against Sam’s crotch, making a loud moan escapes Sam’s throat. “I know Sam, I know.”

Sam can feel Dean’s dick burning through his jeans as well. He reaches down to unbutton the jeans and Dean catches his hands. Dean leads his hand to find the burning heat inside his briefs. Sam gasps when they pull out Dean’s dick together. It is so hot and big that it aches Sam to look directly at it.

“God, Sammy, always so eager.” Dean pants heavily as Sam starts to stroke his length. Dean quickly pulls away his jeans and briefs as well as Sam’s. Then he grabs both of their dicks together and starts to tease their dicks and balls in a way that Sam knows too well. Sam closes his eyes, letting himself drown in all the sensations he is feeling and all he can think of is Dean holding his dick.

In the yellow light of the room, Sam’s sweaty skin shimmers under Dean’s gaze. He cannot think of anything else that he wants that much in his entire life. Dean is having a hard time holding back himself in Sam’s moaning and groaning. He knows that he needs Sam, right here, right now and nothing on earth can stop him. He stops abruptly from the hand job and without a word Sam knows what he is up to, so he spreads his legs and welcomes Dean to move closer. Their lips lock together and with the hand full of both of their pre-come, Dean ventures the first finger into Sam’s hole. Sam squirms and moans into Dean’s mouth. “You have to stop these sexy noises so that I still have the patience to prepare you, Sammy.” He kisses Sam again when he stretches Sam with a second finger.

Sam pulls away from Dean’s lips and through his quick panting, said, “Just do it, Dean, just…” And then Dean just loses it. He wraps Sam’s thigh around his waist and puts his tip of his cock at the entry of Sam. Without warning, Dean pushes himself inside. Sam is so close to screaming while Dean pushes his way into him as slowly as he can allow himself. They both breathe heavily when Dean buries himself completely into Sam. “Sam…” Dean swallows a couple of times, “I’m sorry, I cannot be gentle anymore.” He starts to thrust vigorously into Sam.

“Dean… uhhhh…Dean, please, Dean…” Sam is begging in broken words as his big brother brings him into level after level of higher pleasure. Dean grabs tightly on Sam’s thighs while he hits on his prostate again and again. Sam reaches out his arms and Dean leans forward so he can sink his finger into his back. “Oh Sammy I miss this s-so mu-much… God…” The rhythm of Dean’s thrusting is picking up pace and Sam’s moaning is turning into high-pitched screams.

“Dean… please… I-I’m gonna…” Sam grabs hold of Dean’s strong shoulder blades and Dean can feel Sam tightens up around his dick. “Not so quick, princess.” Dean grips on Sam’s balls, causing Sam to groan loudly, “Wait for me.” He bites softly on Sam’s neck and squeezes Sam’s balls in his palm, teasing them continuously. Now Sam’s moaning is almost close to sobbing.

“Sammy… Sammy…” Sam’s hip is following Dean’s rhythm, helping him to build his moment of orgasm. “Damnit Sammy!” Sam knows Dean is close to his last few thrusts as he lets go of his balls.

Sam can feel the intensity down his groin, “Dean, I can’t… I’m so cl-close—” And then his world explodes. He screams his elder brother’s name when he comes, spilling all the white jizz on his torso. And Dean comes right after, filling Sam up with his intense, burning passion, and collapses on Sam.

After lying on the same position for what seems to be hours, Dean forces himself to get up. “I think I might need to change my bandage.” The bandage is soaked with blood again. “You do not have that much blood to lose any more, Dean.” Sam sits up, checking it carefully.

“I guess I will just have to depend on you to clean my messes.” Dean says quietly. Sam looks up to Dean, eyes widened. “What…?”

“You said it yourself, Sam. We are both messed up and flawed and we have little hope in gluing ourselves back together but at least, at least we can stick together, with you having my back.” Dean looks into Sam’s eyes without hesitation. Sam can see from his eyes that he is still broken and hurting but there is more, he is a little bit relieved now. Sam straightens up until they are looking at the same level and then looks away before Dean catches him on the verge of joyful tears, “Yes, of course, Dean. Of course I have got your back.”

 


End file.
